Last month we looked at The Top 10 Benefits to Being a POM. The number seven benefit on the list was being a source of stability for your grandchildren when they make visits back to the states. 
Because contact with our grandchildren is so limited we need to make the most of every opportunity we are given to build relationships and memories with them. A well-developed relationship gives our grandchildren the assurance that no matter how much time passes or how far apart we are, they can feel safe, stable, and at home with us when they come back to the states.

A few years ago I was given one of these opportunities. At that time, I wrote this story and they published it in the Harvest Legacy Magazine. I thought you might enjoy reading it.


Time with Sierra 

Two weeks ago I found myself sitting in the Dallas airport waiting for my missionary son, Erik, and my only granddaughter, Sierra, to arrive from Vanuatu. This trip was totally unexpected. I knew Erik was coming to defend his thesis but the plan was for him to come, spend the week in Dallas and then go right back to the field. One week before his arrival he emailed me with the news that the doctors in Vanuatu suggested he bring Sierra to the states with him. She had been coughing non-stop for months with no relief from her medicine. The doctors were at a loss to help her, and since he was coming they felt he should bring her along. 

"Mom, could you meet us in Dallas to help?" Erik asked.

"Of course!" I quickly responded. 

I arrived in Dallas early. My biggest problem was finding a way to carry the two 50lb. bags that I had packed with clothes and stuff for Erik and Sierra. After all, they had no clothes that would be proper for Dallas since they were coming from a tropical island. I brought all they would need plus more. 

I was so relieved to see them, Sierra hid behind her dad. 

"Hello my sweet girl. I know you remember me, I just saw you last year," I said. 

By the time we reached our hotel she was talking as if we had not been apart. 

We had an appointment with the pediatrician first thing the following morning. Our week turned into two weeks I saw the hand of God over and over again. I was amazed that with only one day's notice we were able to get in to see doctors who were booked four months out. I rejoiced as they diagnosed Sierra's health problem. Thankfully, it was not serious and would be manageable. In the midst of all this my son defended his thesis paper, and received his Master's Degree. 

Sierra was a joy. We shared thoughts and feelings. We laughed together as I shared with her memories of my childhood and her father's. I learned that she did not like dolls or fancy dresses. I promised not to send any more dolls.Her favorite colors were blue and yellow, not the pink I usually sent. I took her shopping to pick out the dress she really wanted not the one she could afford. She agreed to wear the swimsuit I picked out even though she was sure it was too small. I assured her it was only because it actually fit her. 

I showed her how to use a microwave;she relished microwaving her cereal every morning. I introduced her to a dishwasher; she was amazed there was such a thing, and it held so many dishes at one time. She ironed for the first time. She used the cell phone and learned how to text Grandpa in another state. 

We took a road trip and experienced Texas highways together. She marveled at all the big trucks, wanting to know what they carried and why there were so many of them on the road. I introduced Sierra to her cousins. We all had fun at the zoo, a pottery class, and late night slumber parties. I taught Sierra how to do her hair with colorful bows. We took walks and drew pictures. She taught me dominoes and enjoyed beating me repeatedly. We must have played 100 games of "Go Fish" in our last four days together. I was humbled at Erik's and Sierra's simple approach to life. They were so easily satisfied and I realized that I could live without daily TV news and the weather report. 

They are gone and I'm home. I am so sad, but as I reflect, Lord, I thank you for loving me and my family. You knew the desires of my heart when I didn't. You knew my trust and faith needed reassurance. I saw that my son and his daughter love You, Lord. You gave me my heart's desire. You gave this grandma and her only granddaughter time together. 

It has been five years since that trip. We since have had a furlough together and I've gone to Vanuatu for a visit. Now that Sierra is older we correspond regularly on email. Last week her mom shared with me.

" We were reminiscing together as a family tonight. Sierra still remembers that trip to Dallas that she spent with you. It is one of her favorite memories. She remembers the many games you played together. She is excited to see you this summer."

Her comment brought a flood of memories, and a heart full of thankfulness that in spite of time and distance I have a strong and loving relationship with my only granddaughter. I am a source of stability that she is looking forward to seeing when she comes home for furlough this summer.

Karen Stapleton 


  

THE TOP 10 BENEFITS TO BEING A POM

1. Working harder at staying connected with your kids than you might do if they lived in the States, and reaping the benefit. 

2. Opening up a window on the world that you might not have looked through otherwise, becoming a more globally focused Christian. 

3. More reason to pray!
 
4. Opportunity for personal growth. No one gives up children to missionary service without some sorrow and pain, and dealing with that in healthy ways leads to a better you. 

5. Empathy for other POMs and for parents who have experienced other kinds of losses as well. 

6. Reason to travel overseas that you didn't have before. 

7. Getting to know many other wonderful POMs. 

8. Becoming a point of stability for your grandchildren when they make visits back to the states or return for college. 

9. Greater awareness of your need to be a missionary right where you are. 

10.Knowing that you will meet people in heaven who are there because your child is a missionary. 

copyrighted 2011 Cheryl Savageau and Diane Stortz reprinted by permission



A Great Resource for YOU! 
Parents of Missionaries:  How to Thrive and Stay Connected When Your Children and Grandchildren Serve Cross-culturally. 

by Cheryl Savageau, edD and Diane Stortz       

Connections of Heads, Hearts, and Souls

Parents of Missionaries often seek out and find help from books such as Parents of Missionaries, local parents of missionary support groups, and this POM blog, but not all reallize there is also a connection through an online yahoo group focused on this unique parenting role. Are you seeking support? Are you interested in such an online group? Read on and learn more!

How to join? 
To join the group, email me directly with a few details about you and your family missionaries. My email address is below. Withing a few days of receiving your email, I will send you the steps on how to join the yahoo group, "Parents of Cross-Cultural Workers". 

What happens once I sign up? 
Once you have joined, I encourage you to share a bit about yourself as an introduction to the group as a whole. Tell us where you live, whatever you can safely share about your cross-cultural worker, how long have you been a parent of a missionary, and any other details you care to share. Your introduction is likely to begin connections locally and certainly virtually, as other members discover that they share having a family member serving globally near your loved one.

 How much email will this group create? 
We won't overwhelm you; our group does not fill your inbox. Email comes in spurts according to the need at the time. The posts we share vary in frequency and quantity, which leads to a few or on occasion, several replies and comments.  

What kind of topics are shared? 
We share as we prepare to see family members off to their assignments, welcome them home again, plan trips to visit them in the field, or anticipate marriages and births. We also support one another by praying for the unexpected challenges, hardships, illnesses, and needs of our cross-cultural workers or us parents at home. Recently we shared practical tips on how to send packages globally to insure they arrive, how to best package things based upon pricing and creative ideas of what to send that ships in flat envelopes.

What can this group do for you? 
Our group provides connection and understanding of the unique relationship we have as parents of cross-cultural workers. You will feel "heard". You will not feel alone.
 
Want to take someone else's word for it? 
One member recently shared with me "Being a part of the POM groups has helped me to not feel as if this were my cross to bear alone. I know that communicating with other POMs and praying together gives me peace and strength. I am praying as we receive updates on the other CCWs (cross-cultural workers) around the world; I have found my vision expanding as we hear of their work and their trials. I hear the hearts of other POMs as they wait to hear, and pray with them for God's will in all the situations they are in. I am blessed to be a part of this group."

What are you waiting for? 
If any of this tugs at your heart or head, what are you waiting on? Send me an email and tell me about you and your cross-cultural workers. It's a group yu may find provides you with perspective, encouragement, understanding and a virtual hug at the time you need it the most.

Denise Rounds
Parents_of_Cross-Cultural_Workers@yahoogroups.com  
denisedrounds@gmail.com 

Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup: you have made my lot secure. 
Psalm 16:5 NIV 

I was recently reading my morning devotional on the topic of contentment. The writer said we live in a culture that is discontent. He believes that the key to contentment is achieved by refusing to define our lives by our present circumstances I am not cancer just because I am currently being treated for cancer. I am not poor in spirit just because I am struggling financially. He said we can begin to live a contented life once we acknowledge that we are where we are because God is sovereign. He also stated that we can rest assured because we know that all will end well, if we trust our God. We have read the back of The Book and we are looking forward toward the promised happy ending.

I agree that God is sovereign and I agree with David in Psalm 16:. God has assigned me my portion and my cup. I am POM (Parent of Missionary) because it is God's will. I have been a POM for 3 years without counting the many short-term trips taken by both children while they were in high school. I will be a POM for as many years as God wills it. In fact, I feel that something inside me will remain a POM even if my children would decide to come home tomorrow. My life has been and continues to be shaped by this experience. My way of thinking, my ministry, and my future has been changed. I cannot think of any area of my life that is not touched by my daughter, her husband, and my granddaughter living in a country so far away that does not welcome their faith and her desire to share it.

The word from God also tells us that we need not feel insecure or unhappy in this assignment. "You have made my lot secure."  We need not become fearful, lonely martyrs. We can believe and trust in the word and love of God. Jesus says in Mark 10:29-30, "Yes," Jesus replied, "and I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, will receive now in return a hundred times as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and property--along with persecution. And in the world to come that person will have eternal life." (NLT)  This promise lifts me up out of my fear and hurt and gives me confidence that God is taking care and will continue to take care of me as a POM. You can find this promise 3 times in the gospels. This assurance helps me accept my assignment and feel secure in it.

When you consider what we do for our children who are serving cross-culturally and the sacrifices we make as POMs, aren't we also defined by our love and faithfulness? We let them go, we pray for them, we learn to use technology to keep in touch, and we figure out ways to be loving grandparents long distance. We must be creative in order to remain close to our children and cultivate the relationship. We may even travel to parts of the world that we never dream that we would visit. We do everything we can to help.

God is defined as loving and faithful. The Word of God says that we are to put off our old self ( Eph. 4:22)...and to put on our new self, created to be like God (Eph. 4:24). The old hymn cries out "Oh to be like Him." We do long to be like Him and by being loving and faithful POMs we are becoming more like Him. Can you see how this too can lead to our contentment? I can be content to be as a POM, as daily this life offers me the opportunity to be more like Christ.

I am a POM 24/7. I define myself by my present circumstance and this definition does bring acceptance, growth, and most definitely contentment.

Cindy M (POM)
Comments from the Daily Strength Devotional of Strong Tower Christian Media
Jan/Feb 2013  

A New Year

I've been a missionary mom for 12 years. The first time my kids walked out the door with my then five week old grandson I remember the devastating feelings. My emotions were mixed. I was happy they were serving the God we both loved, but at the same time sad. The reality was they would be 6000 miles away, and my five week old grandson would be two when I saw him again.

There were no POM groups then...just me and God and His Word. 

Over the years I've learned many things from my walk as a POM and from the scriptures. Let me share a few. 

Life is not easy and we all have burdens to bear. Some are harder than others, but Jesus says in John 16:33 "in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage;I have overcome the world." 

This is not our home. Many times over the years, my son has reminded me of this truth, and encouraged me to focus on my heavenly home. " For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a savior, the Lord Jesus Christ who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory." Philippians 3:20-21. Our future awaits us in heaven this is our earthly stop. 

Much of what I feel as a POM is grief. It comes and goes. I work through it but then a holiday, or a picture, or a letter from my grandchildren will trigger feelings, and I find myself processing the grief again. God did not leave me alone, He gave me His son. Our savior is a "man of sorrow and acquainted with grief." Isaiah 53:3 Jesus understands what I am feeling. Isaiah goes on to say, "Surely our grief He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried" 53:4. 
It is a peaceful relief to give my grief to Him. He not only understands but "He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3. 

God often reminds me that it's really not about me. Yes it is important to be honest and process the feelings. Yes, it is important to give over the burden, but in the end it is really about Christ and the Gospel. It is about fixing my eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of my faith. Hebrews 12:2 

"The one who although He existed in the form of a God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant and being made in the likeness of men, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him, the name which is above every name, so that at the name of JESUS every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ Is Lord." Philippians 2:6-11 

Amen!! That brings you to your feet doesn't it? 

Finally, I'm often reminded of Matthew 28:19-20, "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all I commanded you, and lo I am with you always even to the end of the age." 

Someone has to go and make disciples of all the nations. It happens to be my son, his wife, and my dear grandchildren. Really when I think of it this way, I am thankful to be a POM and have a small part in God's great commission. 

As the New Year begins, my encouragement to POMs is to immerse yourself in the Word of God. The Lord has provided a way for us to walk and He shows it to us in His Word. We can find answers, encouragement, and hope in its pages. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Karen 

How Do We Celebrate The Holiday Alone?

GETTING THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS
By Cheryl Savageau and Diane Stortz

1.   Plan ahead to avoid exhaustion, which accentuates all other feelings of sadness or loss. How could you simplify the holidays this year?

2.   Giving up the common expectation that throughout life we would be able to enjoy our adult children, and our grandchildren is a loss, and losses must be grieved.  Try to identify where you are in the grieving process. 

3.    Let go of the "oughts" of the season, including how you "ought" to feel. Just be yourself. It's normal to experience distress in the face of loss.

4.   Brainstorm ways you can insure adequate personal and emotional support for yourself throughout the holidays. Some examples:  Schedule personal "down time" throughout the season.  Find a close friend who is willing to listen without judging.  Have some extra "God time."  Plan a new kind of holiday activity and invite others to join you.

5.   Identify interpersonal issues within your family that need to be addressed before the holidays in order to prevent unwanted tensions.

6.   Clarify your personal expectations about the holidays and communicate those to family members in advance to avoid misunderstanding, surprises, and disappointment. Learn the expectations of others. Find mutually agreeable solutions.

7.   List all the good new things God has provided even as you have had to endure the absence of loved ones on the mission field.

8.   List all the good things you can think of about having an adult child in missions. 

9.   Locate other POMs in your area. Work out a plan to stay in contact, even once a week, during the holidays. If possible, plan to attend together one event that everyone would enjoy.

10.  Find new ways to include your missionary children and grandchildren in your celebration or to be a part of theirs. Make your own "books on tape" for grandchildren, write and send an email "journal" about holiday activities, open gifts together while on the phone, learn to send digital photos. Invite your children's friends to join your celebrations. Think creatively and plan ahead.

Copyright 2005 Cheryl Savageau and Diane Stortz. Reprinted with permission. 

Leave us a comment and share one of the ways you  celebrate with your missionary children and/or grandchildren during the holidays.

Merry Christmas to all !!!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is the perfect time for POMs to give God thanks for His many blessings. So let us "enter His gates with thanksgiving and into His courts with praise. Let us give thanks to Him and bless His name, for the Lord is good to us." Psalm 100:4-5 

• We thank You LORD for our children and their commitment to serve You. 
• We thank You LORD for our grandchildren, and though we are long distance they know us and love us. 
• We thank You for the health of our families in spite of the many difficulties they have faced this year. 
• We thank You for the health care that they have available no matter how primitive. 
• Thank You LORD for Your Word, we love it and the truth that is in it. 
• We thank You for any opportunities we have had to visit our children, at home or in the field this year. 
• We thank You for the Skype and the internet, and the almost immediate access we have to our children because of it. 
• We thank You for the beauty and cultures of the places our children are serving. 
• We thank You for the the promise that those who endure will be given the crown of life, continue to give them and us endurance and strength so we may be approved. James 1:12
• Thank You LORD for Prayer, and the access we have to You. We are humbled for the many answers we have seen this year. 
• Thank You for Your mercy and faithfulness. 
• Thank You for the many organizations that represent our children as they go forth in Your name. 
• Thank You for the other missionary families that serve with our children and the love they give to one another. 
• Thank You for the many peoples around the world that our children serve. 
• Thank You that it is Your Word and the works of the Holy Spirit that will change the lives of those our children serve. 
• Thank You for the postal service here and any around the world that are not corrupt but get our packages to those we love. 
• We thank You LORD for the joys and sorrows of being a POM because it causes us to seek Your face. 
• We praise You and thank You LORD that You are Worthy, and with Your blood you have purchased men from every tribe,tongue,people,and nation. Revelation 5:1